Mommy Guilt

OK, I must ask you all if any of you mommy's struggle with MOMMY GUILT. Mommy guilt is something I have struggled with since my boys were little. You never feel like you are enough. I have always felt like I am too short with the boys and that I yell at them too much. I hate that about myself. I try to keep from boiling over when things go wrong but inevitably, I lose it. Then, I have the guilt's. I hate the guilt's but they are a regular part of my life. When the boys were little I use to think I was the worst mom in the world. I would look at friends from church that were so patient and kind and loving and I use to compare myself thinking I was just a HORRIBLE mom. I still struggle with that because I am constantly comparing myself to others. The problem is that what I see on the outside with others is not necessarily what is going on behind closed doors. Not that what is going on behind closed doors is so bad, but I'm a sure many others yell at their kids or are short with them or do not stimulate them or provide them with every middle class opportunity that we are expected to. It is just hard to feel like you are doing everything you can for your kids. I feel guilty that I don't involve them in enough extracurricular activities and then when I put them in something I feel guilty that they are over scheduled and that they don't have enough time to be kids. Then I feel guilty that I don't spend enough one on one with them and that I am too busy doing my day to day stuff. Then I feel guilty about me being on the phone too much and on my computer too much and that I didn't do this or that or this or that--- ugggg-- the guilt is just everywhere!!!! While I think I am a fun mom and a loving mom, I also think I am a demanding mom and a yelling mom (when I get upset)and much of the time I feel like I am just mad at my kids. With the day to day and the getting off to school and then homework and activities and then dinner and then showers and getting ready for bed - I just feel like it is a rat race and that I am always pushing my kids and that I am always mad at them. I hate feeling like that. I don't want my kids to remember their childhood as negative. I don't want them to remember me as a pushy mom who yells-- I want them to remember the other part of me-- the loving and fun part. I know there is an element of self control that I need to have when I feel like I am going to explode but it is so hard to have that self control when you are in the moment. This is a constant battle I have struggled with for over 9 years and something I am sure I will continue for years-- uggg!! Any of you out there have any suggestions?? Any of you out there have the mommy guilt like I do?

Christy :)