I am sitting here into the wee hours of the night against my better judgment watching American Idol. Ever since China and even since we've been home Finley still wakes up about 1 to 3 times and night. Since Kevin has been her primary attachment, he is burdened with the responsibility of putting her back to bed each and every time she wakes up. While it has been nice for me to be able to sleep through these episodes it has been a bit of a sad thing for me as well. It still hurts to know that I cannot be everything for her and although I know things are getting much better it still burns a bit to not be able to be that person she turns to in the middle of the night for her needed comfort. So as I am sitting here watching American idol I hear her wake up for the first time and is screaming. I mute the TV because I think I hear her screaming mama but I am not sure. I decide to go up just in case she is calling for me and sure enough she puts her arms up when I go into the room and jumped into my arms. I take her into the loft and comfort her for a few minutes and then she motions to put her back to bed. I put her back to bed and lay with her for a couple minutes and then happily walk downstairs feeling as if I just had a monumental moment or breakthrough with my daughter. I'm not sure if it was a fluke or if she was just too sleepy to know the difference but I will tell you in the 4+ weeks that I've known this girl she is never once ever allowed me to comfort her at night in any way- to the point I just didn't try. So whether it was a fluke or if she truly did want me, I feel amazingly excited and blessed that my daughter is finally accepting me as your mama.
By the way this whole message was dictated on my iPhone so sorry about any mistakes. Just was very excited and wanted to share and after midnight this is about the best I can do.