Monday, October 20, 2008

Too Sensitive???

I am thinking I am just too sensitive about things. I tend to be a pretty relaxed person and rarely get too hyped up about things but strangely I get really irked when people make negative comments on my blog. Maybe the negative comments are meant from a good place (concern for Mia) but they just really bug me. Maybe it is that I am too sensitive and should just shrug it off and not let things bug me but I just take things way too personal. I know I am a good mom and I don't doubt myself in that way, but when you read negative things it just makes you think that maybe there is something you are not seeing in yourself and that needs to be changed. For example, I just read on a friends blog that her son has been having emotional issues at school and their way of dealing with it is to make a children's book. Are you joking me-- a children's book??? That is amazing and the fact that Kim came up with that way to have her son work through those issues is just amazing!! Talk about feeling bad about myself as a parent. I think about issues my kids have had and I think how I have minimized them or gotten short with them or just didn't give the issue the proper care and attention. It makes me sad to think of all the ways I am and have screwed with my kids emotions and it makes me worry about the future. I know my kids love me and they know (as I tell them 10 times a day) that I love them but I worry about the little things. Usually I don't-- just upon criticism I tend to reflect a bit. Maybe it is good to reflect on these things but I tend to reflect and then nit pick and then criticise.

I think it is good to try to improve your parenting by way of reflection and I think I am at that place right now. I am starting to get really short with the boys and with Mia as well. She is really challenging me right now with her tantrums and just the normal 2 year old stuff, but it is really trying me. I know it is normal behavior on Mia's part and the boys are just being boys, but I have been feeling really guilty the last few weeks over my anger towards the kids. I pop off at them all the time and just feel unopen and unloving-- kind of like robotic towards them. Today I was angry at Ethan for making a mess and not cleaning it up after repeated times of asking and he yelled back at me "mom all you care about is keeping the house in order and clean." He got in trouble for yelling back at me (after I yelled at him-- great example I know) but my heart just sank. It broke my heart that he thinks that is all I care about. I know he was angry but if you analyze all the things I get angry over, picking up after themselves is really high on that list. I don't know-- I could go on but overall I am just feeling the mommy guilt's again. My kids are amazingly great kids and it is just making me realize that life is too short for me to always be mad at them. I am not always angry and I don't want anyone to think that I am raging all the time, but I do get irritated with the kids quite often and I am starting to think I need to chill on the irritance thing. Like I said, life is too short and I don't want to alienate my kids. I love them so much that I owe it to them to try to chill out a bit. Maybe the negative comments on my blog were a good thing-- getting me to look at things with a bit of perspective.

Anyway, I feel like I have done nothing but ramble in this post and sorry if I have, but I have just been thinking about this all day. Maybe some good will come from this.


  1. I think it's great that you are taking that as a learning opportunity, Christy. I don't know many people who would do that. I don't know you but I read your blog quite a bit and I didn't think anything was wrong when I saw those pictures below. From what I can see just through your blog, I can tell that you are a mother who loves her kids. Good luck on the trying to relax with the kids.

  2. I read your blog regularly, and while it seems to me I would do things a bit differently than you, who makes me right and you wrong? Besides, there's nothing that could be considered "dangerous". Give me a break.

    As far as helmets, seatbelts, etc, I think it goes back to a person/group of people who aren't familiar with these things. I grew up in rural Midwest, it never CROSSED my mind to be concerned that she didn't have a helmet on while sitting on the 4 wheelers with the boys. Come on. Seriously. We've posed for those photos growing up. Besides, I think it's pretty clear by how much protective gears your boys are wearing that you wouldn't let them drive rough with her on there without all the gear. Please. Seriously. Give me break. Oh, and I would cough it up to people who just don't know enough about the sport to appreciate it.

    Just let those kind of comments go.

  3. I think we all have moments when we wonder if we are doing the best for our kids. We would not be human if we did not make mistakes and learn from them. There have been times when I have yelled/scolded my children and then afterwards think why did I do that?

  4. You can't let a comment question yourself as a mother. We all have those times where we feel like we're not our best, but that's just part of it. You're right, I think it is good to re-evaluate every so often. 2 year olds are tough! I know when Cade was 2, I was in a constant bad mood! It was really hard. And, although, you don't want your house to be the main priority, our boys are old enough to pick up after themselves. I get very frustrated about that here, as well. Anyway, we all make mistakes, we all yell when we probably shouldn't, but the bottom line is, we're not perfect. We will make mistakes, and we teach through them about God's forgiveness and forgiving those we love. Don't worry too much about an ugly comment. They are out of line.

    Have an awesome day!!

  5. Hi Christy.

    It makes me so sad that you are questioning yourself. Just from the times we have emailed each other and what I read on your blog, I know you're a great mom and that you love your children very much.

    Take Care.

    Bruce's Mom

  6. Christy,

    As you know, what you are going through is NORMAL! I have those same day's too...when all I feel I am doing is yelling. It is so good that you recogonize this and addressing this.

    You are a GREAT mom and you know it and so does your family. We all experience "mommy guilt" and thats just part of being a mom.

    So chin up my friend, nobody's perfect! : )

  7. I think that as moms we often have to step back and evaluate our actions and words-I believe with all of my heart that you are a wonderful mom, we all just have rough weeks. I also struggle with getting my kids to clean up after themselves and all to often yelling is required(not really but it happens) I have been sitting here this morning feeling guilty and it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone-the great thing is-today is a new day-a day to hug our kids, play and not worry about the house-we all get a fresh start-now we just have to make the most of it!
    PS-I would never think that you would put your kids in danger-don't worry or second guess yourself!

  8. Christy...I love your honesty. I feel the same way a lot of times. I am not a "awe...bless your heart" kind of mom. I am a "pull yourself up by the bootstrap" kind of person with everything...and especially my kids. My girls are SO whiny all the time...and honestly...they get NO mercy from me. I like you, sometimes feel that I should be different...or like the mom that made a book to encourage her son...but I am just not that way. The consolation I have is that GOD knew the kind of parent that we would be...and he gave us children that needs our parenting skills strengths and weaknesses. Yes...we do need to always seek to improve our weak areas....but we do not need to try and become like anyone else. You are a terrific mom and from your blog...the things I see YOU guys do...are amazing!!! There are experiences that you have on a weekly basis that I admire so much...things that my children would never experience...but it is what makes our children unique!

    Seasons come and go...and that frustrated, snippy season shows it's head over here at my house frequently...and I feel TERRIBLE when I let it rear it's head. but you know when it's all said and done...those moments will be forgotten and the precious memories and moments we make with our children will stick in there and THATS what they will remember....hopefully! :) Be encouraged! Don't let negative comments from your blog get you down. That would frustrate the MESS out of me. ESPECIALLY after you put a disclaimer in there for people NOT to do that...that you were aware of what they would be tempted to point out. Some people can just be a little too rigid sometimes!!

    I pray that you have a good day! Yes...strengthen your weak areas...but don't feel like you're a bad mom or need to drastically change. You are a terrific mom and I admire you greatly!!! Have a fantastic day!

  9. Christy don't get too down on yourself..parenting is hard and I just had a conversation with my 13 year old about us parents "learning as we go" Every child is different and I too feel the quilt after a rough day with the kids and sometimes expecting too much from them. Emma is going through a stage where she will decide she wants her clothes changed just as we head out the door and I tell her "no" and the meltdown begins. It takes everything out of me (or at least that is how I feel) and then I take it out on all the frustrating. Like you I want to be a good mama and do right by my children but the reality is it's really hard work..we do our best and I am sending you a big hug today and a pat on the back saying "keep it up, your a good mom" None of us are perfect. Have a wonderful day!


  10. Hey today beat yourself up day? Because I'm guilty too. As moms we are not perfect, we say things that later we might regret, and we are not always loving. I think as parents one of the things that teaches our kids so much is saying "I'm sorry." I have had to do it more times than I would like to admit. It teaches us and our kids about also teaches our kids that parents are not perfect people.

    Hang in there. Have a great day. Sending some prayers of encouragement to California this morning!

    Debby :o)

  11. Hey there, we all have our moments as Moms and none of us are perfect. You are a great Mom and you have times when you shine and times when you stumble. We all do. Take a deep breath, your heart is with your children.
    Brush off those negative comments.

  12. Hey Christy,

    I think anyone looking at this blog would agree that you are a GREAT mom. My goodness, you spend so much quality time with your kids doing things that they (and you) enjoy. I have never seen a more fun and active mom. Don't let one mean commenter make you second guess yourself. I think there are two issues here. First, it is apparent by all the Safety Gear that your boys and husband have on that safety is important to you. The boys riding Mia a few feet on the quad is no different than any Dad or Grand-Dad riding a child around the yard on a lawn mower. I wouldn't be concerned about someone who is to cowardly to comment with their own name signed. Secondly, everyone gets short with the ones they love. I have been feeling this way about Blake lately. I think after being at work all day and having to be "sweet" to everyone that sometimes I take my frustrations out on him. I am really working on this. EVERY mom has yelled at their child at some point. I don't think teaching your child responsibility (like cleaning up a mess they have made) is something you should feel guilty about. We could all do a better job from time to time, but hey that is what blogging is for. You read something that Kim is doing with her son and now you are learning from it. Don't let what she is doing make you feel bad. I bet she would agree that there are times when she doesn't always do the right thing or know exactly what to do. Keep your chin up. You are a great mom! You do amazing things for and with your kids. :) Hugs Girl!


  13. Christy,
    We all feel that way sometimes. We aren't perfect people, you know. You are obviously a good mom. Keep your chin up.
    I have to say, I am surprised nobody called you on letting Mia drive the R.V.! :0)

  14. Dude G learned how to yell from me, ugh! such a powerful example depresses me when I think on it too much! {{hugs}} to you for being a normal mom.

  15. Christy,
    Don't let these folks bother you. They need to look in the mirror before pointing a finger. Your blog keeps me and my wife going during our long wait for our daughter. You are doing such an awesome job with Mia and we love watching her grow up on your site. Trust me, if it was not for how much fun we have reading your blog, we may have dropped out of the China program. You blog gives us hope and keeps us going.

  16. Christy,

    Do I know you? Just popped over from the Pearl and Ruby blog and your name is SO familiar to me. Did you use CWA?

    Anyway, sorry that you have gotten some negative comments. I can't relate to people who take the time to do this. I am a new blogger so I haven't had the pleasure of any negativity yet but I'm sure its coming. We are an adventurous family as well. My son got a similar quad last year when he was five. Our toddler daughter has taken rides on it with her daddy. :) Soon, both my kids will learn to play polo (the kind on horses). All of this rambling is to try and make you feel better. :) I thought the pictures were great. Never even would have noticed or thought about the seat belt, it just looked like fun. Looks like you have a great blog. I'll be back. :)


  17. Hey Christy -- sorry you're having a day full of mommy guilt. I know I have those days too and think I could have and should have done better by my kids. Don't beat yourself up too much. You are a wonderful Mom and do so much with and for your kids. Take care!


  18. As a parent I think we second guess and question ourselves each day. I think that is what makes us a parent..each day is a learning experience..we make mistakes, we laugh and do it all again the NEXT day:)
    I will admitt when I saw the pictures I did think "she should have a helmet on" BUT I will agree with another poster on how alot of us do not understand quads/4 wheelers. All I know about them is what I read and that is usally a horror story.
    We all have guilt on choices we make as parents..yes I yell to much, yes I should have done this or that or not that but in the end are all moms and we are here for each other:)
    Take care!

  19. You are a GREAT Mom..
    Everyone of us has moments.. it is tough being a mom and working at the same time..
    And for telling the kids to pick up there things... I don't think you are wrong.. I do the same thing.. and if we just let our kids do whatever they wanted they would not be such great kids..
    Don't doubt yourself over what someone else says about you that has no clue how you are..
    Love ya girly..

  20. So sorry to hear people have hurt you, there really is no place for that, after all this is your special place to put down memories of your sweet Mia. My Lily will be 2 in 3 weeks and I have to say lately my patience have been tested. Very different from what I remember of my boys being this age, wow the girl can scream. I believe today from Walmart to my house which was about 3 miles she screamed the whole way because I had thrown away an empty cup??? As you know having older kids, it passes, hang in there, I know it's really tough some days.

  21. Christy -- You are a great Mom. Hang in there!

    The negative commenters can simply click away!

  22. Christy...I hate to see you have the mommy guilts, you are an amazing mom and I know because I've seen it first hand. I too have my moments, days, and sometimes weeks of feeling like a crap of a mom.
    Just tonight I got grilled for not doing enough "fun" stuff and I thought I was gonna loose it. After I shed a few tears, I felt horrible as a mom. The pressure we put on ourselves is incredible. Hugs my friend.

    As for them nasty comments...I like what Jodee said, they can simply click away.

    Hugs again!

  23. Christy,

    You are having MY kind of day!! Babe - there is NO glory to God in self condemnation; I just don't want you to be too hard on yourself. Yes, there are times meant for self reflection & even conviction, but nothing to beat yourself up over!!


  24. I realize I am late in the comment posting here, but I totally understand how you feel. Ever since I had foot surgery in JULY, I have been so short with my kids. I think it is just natural to have ebbs and flows in life. Times when we recognize and feel good about how patient we are and times when we berate ourselves for being short. As parents, we too are people who have good days and bad. Give yourself a break!