Monday, September 14, 2009

A tough thing to do

*Update-- We met today and it went well. The mom, girls, moms parents, moms sister, dads parents and his siblings were all there. We had the principal, one teacher, myself and one of the pastors at the church. At first the girls seemed confused by why we were all gathering but they were just chipper little sweet things. As we were walking to the alter room, the 3rd grader looked at me and said, "don't I have a close and big family-- I'm so lucky!" This was before she heard the news and I replied that yes she was lucky that God had given her such a wonderful family. We then went into the room and the mom sat in front of them and told the girls that their dad was gone and that they would not see him again but he was in their hearts. Both girls just looked at their mom like they had no idea what she was saying and for the remainder of the time the girls were pretty much clueless because mom never said the DIED or DEAD words. As time went on when we were talking about supporting the family the older one seemed to start to catch on and started to cry a bit. The kinder girl was clueless. We prayed and spoke for about 40 minutes and I think we were able to provide them with a lot of support and options. The pastor that was there had lost his daughter 6 years ago so he was able to provide a lot of insight and was able to give info about kids grief camps and other supports. Overall, the adults felt very supported and I was happy about that but I was worried that the girls still did not understand. Before I left, the pastor and I pulled the mom aside and told her that the girls did not understand and that she needed to help them understand. The mom agreed to say the DIED word to the girls and we left them alone. About a half hour later I saw the family and I asked mom about the rest of their time and she said she told them that their dad had died and that he was in heaven and she said the girls immediately started crying and at that point understood. The little one asked if he was really dead and if he would come back and they said no but we would see him in heaven. The girls were upset but seemed to be doing OK. I saw them leave after I spoke with mom and the girls ran up to me and gave me a hug and said goodbye. Overall, what needed to be done was done and the girls now know so they can begin to prepare for the funeral on Saturday. I really feel like the school and church will be a strong support to the family and the family seemed to be moved by outpouring of support. Thanks so much to all of you for your support and prayers. It was felt and it went as well as this could go. Thanks again!!
There is a family at the boys new school that the dad killed himself last Monday. The mom has yet to tell the two girls (kinder and 3rd grades). I have had many families approach me to tell me about this family and the mom called me this evening. We has a long conversation and she explained the situation and that she has just not been able to bring herself to tell her girls. I explained that I am greatly concerned because so many in the school are aware of the death (not the circumstances but just that he died) that I worry the girls will find out from other kids. She agreed and is keeping them home tomorrow and then wants to meet up at the church/school tomorrow to tell them. She is going to have many of the immediate family members there but requested that I be there as well as a few others from the school- people the girls can talk to when they need to talk. I agreed and am making the arrangements.

I am just having a hard time with this. I want to be strong for the girls and the family and be a support to them but I worry I am just going to lose it. These are beautiful little girls with a mixed Asian decent and every time I look at them (especially the tiny little Kindergartner) I see Mia. I need to be strong and hold it together but I am going to majorly need prayer to make that happen. Please pray for the family and pray for these girls. Pray for all the "extra" people like myself that are going to be there to be a support to the family and not a deterrent. I so want to help and know I can but I need to hold it together in order to do so. The funeral is Friday and the mom and I are going to get together early next week to look into individual counseling for the girls and then hopefully for mom as well. I know we can help this family and I am thankful to be a part of this so that the girls can be supported while at school-- I just need wisdom on how to best help.

Thanks in advance for all your thoughts and prayers-- this is just a tough one.


  1. Christy,
    What a blessing that you can be there for this family.
    I know God will give you the words and the strength that you need!


  2. I am so sorry to hear about this family. I will be thinking about you this week. You will have the right words.

  3. We will be praying for all of you.

  4. Keeping all in my prayers. I am sorry. I can't even imagine how difficult this time must be for everyone. Take care.


  5. My prayers are with you~that is such a tragedy! Those girls are the exact same ages as my kiddo's! I couldn't even imagine having to tell them. I'm sending you prayers right now! Let us know how it goes. Thanks!

  6. oh wow, how sad. praying for you all. amazing they haven't already heard of it from over a week ago.

  7. This is a tough thing to do, but I know that God will help, especially since you're asking! Praying for you and all those who surround this family that they will sense the presence of God and His peace in this difficult time.


  8. I am a survivor of parental suicide although I was 52 years old when it happened. To have a parent commit suicide turns your world upside down. What I have finally come to is that while you never totally get over it, you do learn to live along side it. And I came to realize that my mother truly felt she had no other options. That won't be easy to explain to children - not easy at all - but perhaps it will help the mom. For what it is worth, I would tell the children that their daddy loved them very much but that he hurt so much he couldn't move on. And I do think you need to tell the kids the truth or they will find out from others and that would be devastating. I will be praying for all of you. I will never forget those first dark days.

  9. One of my sons best friends dad commited suicide 3 years ago. It was so hard of the kids and I know there is not a day that does not go by that they do not think of him but they are doing well. That day was one I will never forget. Having to tell my son was heartbreaking as he was close to the dad too. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family!!

  10. I am so sorry to hear about this tragic story. My heart goes out to his widow and their children. It's so good that you are able to be there for support both now, and in the future...they will need it.

    Praying that God give you His wisdom, grace and words as you reach out to help.

    Blessings and Hugs,

  11. What a terrible tragedy for this family! I know you will do a wonderful job supporting this woman and her family in a time of need. May you have the strength that you need to get through this day....and May God give this woman the strength to guide and support her little girls in the months to come!



  12. Oh Christy-

    My thoughts, prayers and heart goes out to all of you who will be helping this family as well as the family itself. I know that the Lord will bless all as they seek Him in prayer. You will be such a blessing in their lives as they try to deal with all of this.

    Lisa R

  13. I will be praying for you. You are going to do a wonderful job for this family. There is a reason this woman came to you and it is because she believes in you, she believes you will help them.
    It's going to be ok.

  14. Praying for you and for this family...

  15. Christi - just read the update - praising God for your discernment with this family. Praying that He would comfort all involved

  16. Glad to hear that it all went well. Those poor girls. I will pray that they can handle this with all the support they get.

  17. Oh Christy,

    This such a difficult and tragic situation. It sounds like you really were a huge hep and blessing to this family. One of my closest friends went through this as a child and I think it changes you forever. they will need support for a vary long time. I am glad you are there for them. I will pray for them.