Three years ago today- May 21, 2007

Three years ago today we were blessed to become the parents of the most amazing little girl!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

She was a quiet little peanut who stole our hearts the second we saw her. She continued through our time in China to develop into a chatty little doll that was inquisitive and fun. She is now a strong willed, stubborn, incredibly smart, beautiful, loving and sweet 3 and a half year old who continues to remind us what a magical process adoption is! She is amazing and we thank God for allowing us to be her parents!!!

Sorry but jewelry and clippies!!

I'm really sorry I have been missing in action. I have just been really busy-- like I'm not joking- really really really busy!!! Every job I have is going crazy right now. I don't know when it is going to slow down but hopefully soon.

I did want to let you guys know about a give away a blogger mom is having. I will post details about the give away very soon. Until then, you can check out her site to view the beautiful jewelry she makes. The giveaway is coming soon. Check out her site HERE!!

Another mom I know from Mia's day care started making clippies and now has an etsy site you must check out!! I am going crazy buying clips from Lauren. Her clips are absolutely adorable and also very well made. I just love these clips and you must check them out. They are also very reasonably priced-- so check out her site HERE!!

Happy Mothers Day To All!!!!

I saw this on another blog and actually cried. It is touching and sums up motherhood really well. Happy Mothers Day to all!! We are all wonderful moms- even if we don't quite believe it ourselves. We are all different and provide our kids with unique and different opportunities. We are not all the same and while the grass always seems greener and that other moms are better-- they are not-- they are just different. So, to all us insecure moms-- as well as to the secure moms-- Happy Mothers Day!!!!

Mommy and Me Disney

Mia and I decided to do a mommy and me day at Disneyland all by ourselves. It was fun just to hang with Mia alone- hard to do with 3 kids but we had a really nice time- a special time.

The typical entry to Disney photo

My pretty girl

On the carousel- Mia always loves this ride

Cutie

Seeing Mickey

Mia totally loves Mickey

In the Mickey house

WAY WAY TOO Busy!!!

Sorry to be so behind on posting but I have been far too busy. Ive had so much going on with regular work and then all my other "side" stuff seemed this week to rev into high gear which is great but I'm just crazy busy!! Anyway, got tons of cute pics to post but I need a few more days to get this done. Stay tuned-- they are coming- Thanks for your patience.

By the way, I saw that Kim over at 3 Peanuts had posted about making your marriage a priority and I have to say this has been on my heart over the last number of months. Kev and I have what I would consider a good marriage. We rarely fight- get along well - enjoy each others company- agree on most family decisions but we go through our "ships passing in the night" type times here and there. Kev started on graveyards a month or so again and it is sooooo hard staying connected when literally he goes to work when I get home and when he gets home I go to work and he is off to bed. It is crazy!! Then, because Kevin is away so much during the week, I feel guilty taking him away from the kids one night during the weekend to be alone. So, we are in a disconnect phase that I sooooooo badly want to get reconnected. I think with 3 kids, and way too many jobs that we can become complacent with the "ships passing" scenario, but I'm done with it. I need to reconnect with my hubby and very soon. I miss our snuggle times before we fall asleep. I miss sleeping next to him every night. I miss him making us those AWESOME dinners. But what I mostly miss is just hanging with my amazing husband. Soon-- I tell you-- SOON we will reconnect!! I will make it happen-- before everything else!!! Thanks Kim for making me think about this.

Amy's Farm

We have our wonderful Lucky Mommas group and we had planned a date at my brother and sister in laws farm. They live on the farm but it is a working calf ranch and they do field trips. They are also heavily involved in the Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). Check out the farm at www.amysfarm.com. Sadly, at the last minute a few of our moms had to cancel but Georgie, Gracie and mommies all were able to come.

Mia checking out the cows

Georgie and Mia

Smile

Part of the tour the kids are able to go through their CSA garden and pick some of the edible veggies and eat them. They also get to pick some veggies to give to the animals.

Not sure the plant-- but standing next to some edible something

If anyone knows farms, they know there are little animals everywhere and cats make up many of the friendly little ones. Mia ran after every kitten she saw and at the end, we saw that another cat gave birth to 4 new kittens just a couple days before. Kitty Cats everywhere!!!

Gracie and Mia checking out the kitten

Lots of goats-- the girls loved them

These goats were really friendly and nice to the kids

Georgie loved the goats

Feeding Wilbur lettuce we picked from the garden

Feeding Tina the Cow a carrot

More Kittens

This is a mini horse and she is blind so she likes her hair brushed by the tour kids

We even got to milk a cow and drink the milk

The girls at the end of their fun farm tour!!!!

Help Please

I am horrified to even be having to deal with this, but Mia has completely reverted from potty training. She literally has not pooped in the toilet in weeks and then the rare occasion before that. She would just do her deed in her nighttime diaper or would just poop her pants. It is not getting better and she is now 3 and a half. She is doing it with more frequency and she is even peeing her pants all the time now as well. Today alone, she has pooped her pants 2 times and some ended up on her rug in her room and she walked around with it on her shoe all over the house-- lovely. She just now peed her pants all over the couch. I just don't get it. She was totally potty trained for a long time but over the last number of months she has just lost everything. I'm clueless to why. The only thing I can think that has changed over the last few months but I don't know if it has anything to do with her issues, but she gave up her nap about 3 or 4 months ago. Again, not sure if that is associated, but its all I can think that has changed.

The sad part of this is Mia will hide her poopy undies and attempt to totally clean herself using 50+ wipes and then go to great lengths to hide and throw everything away. Right when I just got home from the store just now Kevin was pulling her off the wet couch and she was running into the bathroom and locks herself in there. Then, just now, I saw her run out of the bathroom and then bolt upstairs - probably to change from her wet clothes. It does not seem like she enjoys doing this but she does-- all the time. I just am lost and I feel soooo bad that I am angry with her so much of the time. What is going on? Kevin thinks we should just put her back in diapers but I feel like that is just giving up and conceding. I hate that idea but at this point she pees or poops almost everything she wears, so we have to do something.

PLEASE HELP!!! I welcome any ideas or suggestions. I really do need some help here because I am spent and pissed and completely clueless on what to do. HELP!!!!

Natural Parents??? Not ME!!

I am posting this reply to a blog post I read last night partially because the blog author is so amazingly real and honest and she resonates with me. But I am also posting this because I am also a real person and I do not like fake pretenses. In the blog world we see what we want everyone to see so often we put out what makes us look good and people do not get a picture of what life is really like. I am guilty of that. Who wants to read about how much your life sucks. NO ONE! People want the happy, nice, sweet pictures where we are all happy—whose going to read about our problems. Well, that is not reality and we all have our tough days and tough weeks and tough months. We all are human and while there are some out there that are amazing parents and never get mad and yell at their kids—I am not one of them. I get upset and mad and yell—often. I am human- completely and totally flawed human. So, when I read the post from Christie explaining her lack of natural parenting, I had to respond.

Please go here to read Christie’s post because it is amazing to get some background, but here is my reply to her post. It is honest and real and it is genuinely how I have felt for the last 12 years. I have learned to deal with much of this and am not as desperate as it may sound, but my demons have always been telling me I am a terrible parent. Some days I believe them and other days I know they are wrong- but I still struggle with this. Anyway, read on and please check out Christie’s post first.

Written as a reply at 11pm Thursday April 22, 2010

Reading your last 2 posts was like I literally was writing it myself-- except you’re a much better writer. I have never felt like parenting was my thing. I was like you- didn’t babysit, never held others kids, didn’t really like kids but we did the baby thing because it was what we do as married couples--right?? And the boys came easily with little effort. At one point I found myself with 2 little boys that were just like your little one- all boy- one almost TWO and a newborn. I remember crying my eyes out not out of post partum but out of feeling like I suck as a parent. I am not one of those relaxed and easy going (I am easy going but more out of laziness than wanting to be a good parent) parents who make parenting look easy. I am on the go mostly out of not wanting to have to deal with the kids at home. I find it easier to run around and do stuff than to sit at home and have to deal with them. I have never been a natural and am still not. Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids will everything in me but I find parenting hard and Mia with her tantrums right now are KILLING ME!!!!! I am literally sick of her 10 minutes after she wakes up and then I am just tolerating her for the rest of the day.

I just feel like I tolerate my kids much of the time. I don’t have that joy so many parents feel. I have joy at times and I think my kids are amazing but I do not have that wonderful “JOY” of parenting. I find many things annoying rather than cute. Things get under my skin and I tolerate little. I feel like a slave driver constantly yelling at my boys ordering them around. I just have never felt like a natural and as they grow older you get a whole new set of annoyances to deal with. I totally get you right now. I have felt like an inadequate mom since the boys were babies. I have always thought I was not meant to be a mom but I did it because I was supposed to. With that said, I love my kids and would NEVER go back and choose not to have had them or adopted Mia. I think they are amazing kids and are bound for greatness but I still to this day feel inadequate. Really, after 12 years of parenting, I still feel like I suck at this.

I have learned to deal with my feelings of inadequacy and think it is more of my issue than the fact that I am screwing up my kids like I use to think. I have had to get ok with the fact that I am really not a bad mom, I am a different mom. I am not the happy coddling cooing mom who just dotes on her kids and loves their snotty little noses. I will NEVER be that mom. But I am a mom who gives her kids all kinds of experiences and am always up for whatever. I can be fun and my kids feel like they can confide in me (not like their best friend—not at all- just an open relationship where they feel like they can talk to me) and I am defiantly a mom who forces my kids to have a work ethic and who expects them to be responsible children. I am also a mom who allows them to be independent and learn from their mistakes- no coddling from me! I will let them fall on their face if it means they will learn a valuable lesson. With all that, I have learned I am not a bad mom, just a different mom. Believe me, the voices in my head still tell me I suck at this and when I see those amazing calm and cool loving parents, my suspicions are confirmed once again-- but I have learned those are just my demons telling me that. I am a good but different type of mom and I am not screwing my kids up rather I am providing them with a unique loving home with consistency and independence.

So, what you are feeling is normal and believe me, there are many of us out there. We really are not natural parents but we can learn and we can get good at it. We may never feel like those naturals out there, but we can get good and our kids will turn out GREAT!!!! Frankly, some of those natural moms create little dependant wimps who cant play without mommy hovering-- not my cup of tea. So, which is better--hmmmmmmm--- lots to think about!!


Christy

Division CHAMPIONS!!!!!!

I'm so proud of my boys. They are such amazing hockey players and their team was the underdogs in the final playoffs and tonight they took the playoffs!!! WHOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! I am just so proud of them and how hard they fought. It was an amazing game- like really amazing and I have never seen such a hard fight. They fought to the end and in the end they were VICTORIOUS!!!!

This was the number one B division team!!!! Good job kids-- you guys ROCK!!!!

Getting their individual first place metals

The team with the coaches. On the far right is Coach Bob who has been the boys coach for a while and he is an amazing coach. Next to him are the assistant coaches which obviously Kevin was one of them. Great season!!!! We now have 2 weeks off and then the next season begins!!!

Disney on Spring Break

Our spring break was a couple weeks after our neighborhood schools break therefore there was not a lot of activity around so we had to head out to make our own. Of course, one of the many activities we did was a wonderful trip to Disneyland with our good pals who also attend the same school.

Mia and I hung out while Lia took the older kids on a few big kids rides

My pretty girl

Ethan, Owen, Judah and Sammy


Best buds! It is so great that the two of these boys are such good pals. Owen has never really had a best friend and we are so happy Judah and him have formed that friendship.

Getting on the Screamer

Ethan and Sammy getting ready

Mia on Toy Story Ride

Maddie and Mia chilling

It was a great day!!