A tough thing to do

*Update-- We met today and it went well. The mom, girls, moms parents, moms sister, dads parents and his siblings were all there. We had the principal, one teacher, myself and one of the pastors at the church. At first the girls seemed confused by why we were all gathering but they were just chipper little sweet things. As we were walking to the alter room, the 3rd grader looked at me and said, "don't I have a close and big family-- I'm so lucky!" This was before she heard the news and I replied that yes she was lucky that God had given her such a wonderful family. We then went into the room and the mom sat in front of them and told the girls that their dad was gone and that they would not see him again but he was in their hearts. Both girls just looked at their mom like they had no idea what she was saying and for the remainder of the time the girls were pretty much clueless because mom never said the DIED or DEAD words. As time went on when we were talking about supporting the family the older one seemed to start to catch on and started to cry a bit. The kinder girl was clueless. We prayed and spoke for about 40 minutes and I think we were able to provide them with a lot of support and options. The pastor that was there had lost his daughter 6 years ago so he was able to provide a lot of insight and was able to give info about kids grief camps and other supports. Overall, the adults felt very supported and I was happy about that but I was worried that the girls still did not understand. Before I left, the pastor and I pulled the mom aside and told her that the girls did not understand and that she needed to help them understand. The mom agreed to say the DIED word to the girls and we left them alone. About a half hour later I saw the family and I asked mom about the rest of their time and she said she told them that their dad had died and that he was in heaven and she said the girls immediately started crying and at that point understood. The little one asked if he was really dead and if he would come back and they said no but we would see him in heaven. The girls were upset but seemed to be doing OK. I saw them leave after I spoke with mom and the girls ran up to me and gave me a hug and said goodbye. Overall, what needed to be done was done and the girls now know so they can begin to prepare for the funeral on Saturday. I really feel like the school and church will be a strong support to the family and the family seemed to be moved by outpouring of support. Thanks so much to all of you for your support and prayers. It was felt and it went as well as this could go. Thanks again!!

There is a family at the boys new school that the dad killed himself last Monday. The mom has yet to tell the two girls (kinder and 3rd grades). I have had many families approach me to tell me about this family and the mom called me this evening. We has a long conversation and she explained the situation and that she has just not been able to bring herself to tell her girls. I explained that I am greatly concerned because so many in the school are aware of the death (not the circumstances but just that he died) that I worry the girls will find out from other kids. She agreed and is keeping them home tomorrow and then wants to meet up at the church/school tomorrow to tell them. She is going to have many of the immediate family members there but requested that I be there as well as a few others from the school- people the girls can talk to when they need to talk. I agreed and am making the arrangements.

I am just having a hard time with this. I want to be strong for the girls and the family and be a support to them but I worry I am just going to lose it. These are beautiful little girls with a mixed Asian decent and every time I look at them (especially the tiny little Kindergartner) I see Mia. I need to be strong and hold it together but I am going to majorly need prayer to make that happen. Please pray for the family and pray for these girls. Pray for all the "extra" people like myself that are going to be there to be a support to the family and not a deterrent. I so want to help and know I can but I need to hold it together in order to do so. The funeral is Friday and the mom and I are going to get together early next week to look into individual counseling for the girls and then hopefully for mom as well. I know we can help this family and I am thankful to be a part of this so that the girls can be supported while at school-- I just need wisdom on how to best help.

Thanks in advance for all your thoughts and prayers-- this is just a tough one.