It's Only Been 4 Years-- HOLY COW!!!!

So I had to find a few old pictures of Finley for an article her club soccer team is doing on her because she is so awesome-- mom brag- but I couldn't find any on my computer so I decided to open up my old blog which literally has been 4 years since I have even looked at it. I am shocked I remembered the password to even get on. Nevertheless, Im on and decided to post. I know most people are on facebook and instagram but why not do an update here.

So, according to the picture and the bio, all the info was from when Ethan was 14 and Owen was 12. So I will start with them.

Ethan-- Now 21 years old-- holy cow- how did that happen. He is playing D1 Hockey at Calvin University in Michigan. He played juniors in Canada, Boston, back to Canada and then here in So Cal. He was scouted by Calvin and they gave him the best deal so he is pursuing nursing at Calvin while playing hockey. He is a freshman although he is 21-- hockey players are always older. He is doing well but trying to figure out how to adjust to a crazy hockey schedule and a crazy workout schedule and a crazy school schedule all the while having to cook his own meals and grocery shop etc. Adulting is hard-- LOL!! He is doing well and I miss him being away from home :(

Owen-- Now 19 years old. He will be done with his associates in aviation at the end of spring semester and will start his bachelors in aviation through Southern Illinois University. Its a cool program that they house at his current local college and in 16 months-- every other weekend-- will have his bachelors. He has his private pilot rating and is about 75 hours from having his commercial rating. Owen also is the proud owner of a 1966 Cessna 150 which he flies all over the place. He loves to pick up his girlfriend in Long Beach and fly to Camarillo for breakfast then back home. He is loving flying which he is so awesome at!!

Mia-- 13 years old- 7th grade.  She just had her 13th bday a few weeks ago. She is doing so very well. We made the hard decision to have her come to our STEM school in our district which is a small school with way less students but has amazing teaching and is a total STEM program as opposed to going to our local junior high that has 2.5+ hours of homework a night-- no thank you!! She has made soooooo many friends and is just blossoming. She has friends come over every day and is just loving life. I don't think I've seen her this happy in a long time. She is just loving her junior high time and I am so thankful she is at the STEM school-- which just happens to be where my office is located so I get to see her at school everyday! She has been in tumbling - previously gymnastics- for quite a while and loves that. We keep it to only once a week so she has time for youth group and friends.

Finley-- 12 years old-- 6th grade--  She is soccer-- all soccer. She is on a club team that is tier 2 (Sliver) and is going tier 1 next season (gold). She is one awesome defense man and I love to watch her play. She is just amazing at soccer as well as school. She is smart and does very well academically and is just a happy sports oriented kid who is good at whatever sport she tries. She also is our official dog mom and takes care of their needs and they sleep with her every nights. She loves the dogs and gets after me daily that I don't do a good enough job with the dogs-- sigh..... As an update on her SN, she has spina bifida and is still cath dependent but it by NO MEANS holds her back. People are shocked when they hear her SN. She should not be able to walk but is an amazing athlete. I am so proud of fin!!!

Emery-- 8 years old-- 3rd grade. Awww Em... our little Em. She is just the sweetest little love bug ever. She is doing well in school but rather be playing than doing any academics-- reminds me of Owen. She is happy and kind and sweet and eats everything and anything that is around and doesn't gain a pound. She is a fashonista and loves picking out her outfits with cool boots. She is not currently involved in any sports but loves being involved in Awana's at Church every Wednesday night. She is literally the sweetest love bug around and I so enjoy spending time baking and running errands with her as she  always adds a bright and happy part to my day.

Langley-- 6 years old-- 1st grade. Now if you know us on facebook then you know Lang but on the blog I don't even know if I ever posted about her. Langley is our crazy little spitfire that keeps us on our toes. Kind of like Mia was at her age but less angry and tantrummy and way more sass. She is all about fashion and makeup and acting like she is 16. I have to take her back to 6 often as she is just a sassy little girl that thinks she is far older than she is. With that said, she is also the most adorable and sweet little girl who loves to play and draw and do anything artistic. She is super smart and excels in that area but also is quite the artist and loves to draw. She is in Awana's at church as well but no other activities as we are so crazy busy. Langley is so fun and makes me laugh every day. She is just a joy to be around and has never met an enemy-- loves everyone.

Kevin and Christy -- both 47-- We have been in a crazy time in our lives. I think I last posted about building our house. Well we did that and lived there for 4 years and always said that if the market ever got to a certain level that we would sell and move to our next Dave Ramsey step to be free of a mortgage. Well, Spring 2018 came and the market in Southern California was RED HOT and we decided to see what we could buy with the money we would walk with from selling our newly built house. Well, the second house we saw, we fell in love with and knew that was our house plus it was only a few miles from where we currently lived. We put our house on the market and we were able to sell for full asking price (was full asking but they wanted all our furniture so we were happy to give it as long as we got full asking price). They were cash and closed in 2 weeks-- crazy and we were able to then pay cash for our new house. We then entered into a crazy construction project where we redid the full interior of the existing home and then added 2000 square feet. We took down our first wall 2 days after we closed escrow on July 5, 2018 and we just finished the interior construction. Finally we are done with the interior and now we have an acre to landscape which will take years and years but we are not in any hurry since we plan to be there for a long time. Kevin did much of the construction on the whole project with the exception of some big time framing and plumbing and a few other things on the 2000 sqft addition. Other than that, he did almost all of it and saved us sooooooooo much money. I am so thankful to have an amazing husband who cooks and also can build houses.

Kevin is still retired from law enforcement but will be starting a new career very soon as a heavy apartment engineer. Now that Langley is in full time school, it is the perfect time plus he took the test for this union job about 18 months ago and scored really well so they have now called him to start. Probably will be in the next 2 months.

I am still an educational psych in the school district and also have a private practice that is getting too big-- yikes. I need to scale back as I am soooo busy but that private practice was what helped us not have to take out more than a small construction loan to do the remodel and addition. It covered all the extras above the loan amount. So needless to say, over the last 15 months, Ive been CRAZY busy with extra work.

We now have two adorable little patterdale terriers -- otis and piper and we love them dearly!! They are great dogs that are small but think they are massive and have little dog complex. So that is our update. I cant believe how long it has been since I looked at this blog. I couldn't remember the name at first so happy to have updated.

I tried to upload pics on my computer but it would not show me all my pics-- not sure why. So I just uploaded a few so you can see current day kids.

Wow!! It's been a long time.

So many things going on in our life since we last blog and mostly I just post on Facebook and I do that infrequently as well. So so so many things have happened so I will enumerate them below and fill in with pictures.

1. We finished our house and we moved in in June 2014.

2. In May 2014 we began the process to adopt our fourth daughter, Langley, and proceeded to the doctor in January 2015.

3, in summer 2014 Ethan was scouted onto a hockey team in Canada and proceeded to move to Canada in August 2015 to go to school and play hockey. He returned from Canada in May 2015 and is now signed with the juniors level hockey team in Ontario California and will be living at home next school year which we are thrilled about. He will be a senior in high school.

All the kids are doing great and I will throw some pictures and of our recent vacations. 

Ethan will be 17 in August and a senior in high school and is obviously heavily into hockey and this will probably be his last year he lives at home. He also works at a golf course as a cart boy this summer. 

Owen is almost 15 and will be a sophomore in high school and plays hockey and skateboards constantly. He also works at a board shop and a saving to buy a car when he gets his license in a year.

Mia is going into third grade! I can't believe she is almost 9. She will be nine in October and is loving gymnastics. 

Finley is going in to second grade and will be eight in October. She is our soccer crazy kid and is pretty darn good! She refuses to do gymnastics because that is just too girly so you can obviously see the dynamic there. 

Emery is now four years old and will be starting preschool in the fall. She is loving having a little sister and is a sweet heart all around. 

Langley turned two in March and we brought her home from China in January 2015. She had surgery to repair cleft palate in March 2015 and is recovering and doing very well. She is heavily in speech therapy right now and will begin preschool in March.

Kevin and I are doing well. As you will recall Kevin was retired from police work because of his hip replacement and has been able to stay home with the girls. He will probably venture into a second career when the girls are finally in school. I have now started full-time with the school district and still have my private practice on the side. Things are busy but they are also great! Obviously the kids keep us busy but we are enjoying living in Upland and are still involved quite a bit at our church. 

Ethan in Canada 

Getting Langley 

In china

Getting home 

Airport

All the girls at church 

Chinese New Year 

Langley surgery in March 

I our back yard 

Easter 

Craniofacial clinic

Emery being silly

The whole family a month ago

Emery at Hume lake

Fin at Hume 

Mia Langley and I at Hume 

Girls at Hume 

My boys 

Owen

Ethan and his girlfriend dayna. She lives in Canada 

The Best Article EVER!!!!

I just read this article and loved it so much I had to post it on my blog. It is AWESOME!! It is exactly what I have thought forever! We coddle our kids. We tell them they are good at everything. We don't let them suffer the consequences of their actions. All of these things are creating a generation of kids who cant fend for themselves, make decisions, have no work ethic and cant  handle disappointments. They are lacking in so many areas because WE are doing it to them!!! 

This article is awesome and I could have literally written it myself. I see this in the schools and working with kids. It is SOOOOO true! I get a bit of flack for not stepping in when my kids do stupid stuff and allowing them to suffer the natural consequences of their actions. I also get flack for telling my kids NO!! If they didn't earn it then they don't get it. Just because the boys broke a hockey stick does not mean I need to run out and buy them one-- they need to earn it and work for it and then I am happy to replace the stick. I also get flack for the "risky behaviors" I allow. These "risky behaviors" involve allowing the kids to climb OVER the play set or swing from a part of the swings that might cause my girls to get hurt. I allow them to scale walls and God forbid they might fall and get hurt-- oh well-- they will learn not to do that in the future-- right?? I catch a lot of flack for all kinds of parenting decisions but I will tell you that I am raising responsible kids that know I am not going to bale them out or give them an inflated sense of self worth. My kids will know what they are good at and what they are not good at and I will make them earn the things they want-- not need-- but want. I talk to my boys and tell them the stupid things I did and we talk through their decisions. I let my kids play outside till the street lights come on-- just like we did-- and I punish when they do stupid stuff. This is not rocket science. I raise my kids like I was raised 30+ years ago. 

We have dumbed down our kids and our kids and their futures are suffering. Do you want to know how many classes on field trips go down to the farm where Kevin farms - www.amysfarm.com- and the parents are bathing their in sanitizer for fear they might get germs on them. Do you know how many parents see Emery and the other little farm kids roaming unattended playing all day who ask "whose kids are those and why are they not being watched?" The parents are not letting the kids be kids. They hover over the kids and insulate their world so that nothing bad happens to them. Guess what parents??? That's not the real world and a generation has now been launched who were raised that way and IT IS NOT WORKING!!!! These kids are inept and they are not ready for hard work. They have no work ethic because if they don't like the work and it is not making them "happy" then they quit. NO WORK ETHIC!!! These kids have no idea how to work hard because they never had to hold a job because their parents didn't want them to "be distracted from their studies." Guess what?? Studies show the kids who worked-- like I did and like my 15 year old son did all last summer-- got better grades then the kids who didnt work!! They learn how to prioritize and multi-task and most importantly-- HOW TO WORK HARD!!! They learn that they might not be "happy" in what they are doing or maybe not even like the work they are doing-- BUT, after the end of the day, they earned money and that pushes them to go back the next day. 

People, please read this article. It's important for your kids. I'm not saying I am perfect-- my goodness Kevin and I are far from perfect-- but we try to parent realistically much like my parents did 30+ years ago. Its not perfect and honestly it would be easier if I were more indulgent with my kids- but I will not do that to them. To let them experience delayed gratification is sooooo important. Would it be easier to just give it to them and not hear the whining? ABSOLUTELY!! Would I be teaching my kids  that they get anything they want WHENEVER they want it?  YES!! And I will not do that to them. 

Anyway, i will post the link as well as the article is below. 

 http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-parenting-behaviors-that-keep-children-from-growing-into-leaders/

While I spend my professional time now as a career success coach, writer, and leadership trainer, I was a marriage and family therapist in my past, and worked for several years with couples, families, and children. Through that experience, I witnessed a very wide array of both functional and dysfunctional parenting behaviors. As a parent myself, I’ve learned that all the wisdom and love in the world doesn’t necessarily protect you from parenting in ways that hold your children back from thriving, gaining independence and becoming the leaders they have the potential to be.

I was intrigued, then, to catch up with leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore and learn more about how we as parents are failing our children today — coddling and crippling them — and keeping them from becoming leaders they are destined to be. Tim is a best-selling author of more than 25 books, including Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future, Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenges of Becoming Authentic Adults, and the Habitudes® series. He is Founder and President of Growing Leaders, an organization dedicated to mentoring today’s young people to become the leaders of tomorrow.

Tim had this to share about the 7 damaging parenting behaviors that keep children from becoming leaders – of their own lives and of the world’s enterprises:

1. We don’t let our children experience risk
We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. The “safety first” preoccupation enforces our fear of losing our kids, so we do everything we can to protect them. It’s our job after all, but we have insulated them from healthy risk-taking behavior and it’s had an adverse effect. Psychologists in Europe have discovered that if a child doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee, they frequently have phobias as adults. Kids need to fall a few times to learn it’s normal; teens likely need to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting relationships require. If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.

2. We rescue too quickly
Today’s generation of young people has not developed some of the life skills kids did 30 years ago because adults swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own. It’s parenting for the short-term and it sorely misses the point of leadership—to equip our young people to do it without help. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: “If I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.” When in reality, this isn’t even remotely close to how the world works, and therefore it disables our kids from becoming competent adults.

3. We rave too easily
The self-esteem movement has been around since Baby Boomers were kids, but it took root in our school systems in the 1980s. Attend a little league baseball game and you’ll see that everyone is a winner. This “everyone gets a trophy” mentality might make our kids feel special, but research is now indicating this method has unintended consequences. Kids eventually observe that Mom and Dad are the only ones who think they’re awesome when no one else is saying it. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; it feels good in the moment, but it’s not connected to reality. When we rave too easily and disregard poor behavior, children eventually learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie and to avoid difficult reality. They have not been conditioned to face it.

4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well
Your child does not have to love you every minute. Your kids will get over the disappointment, but they won’t get over the effects of being spoiled. So tell them “no” or “not now,” and let them fight for what they really value and need. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple kids. When one does well in something, we feel it’s unfair to praise and reward that one and not the other. This is unrealistic and misses an opportunity to enforce the point to our kids that success is dependent upon our own actions and good deeds. Be careful not to teach them a good grade is rewarded by a trip to the mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
5. We don’t share our past mistakes
Healthy teens are going to want to spread their wings and they’ll need to try things on their own. We as adults must let them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help them navigate these waters. Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age in a way that helps them learn to make good choices. (Avoid negative “lessons learned” having to do with smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.) Also, kids must prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your actions, and the resulting lessons learned. Because we’re not the only influence on our kids, we must be the best influence.

6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity
Intelligence is often used as a measurement of a child’s maturity, and as a result parents assume an intelligent child is ready for the world. That’s not the case. Some professional athletes and Hollywood starlets, for example, possess unimaginable talent, but still get caught in a public scandal. Just because giftedness is present in one aspect of a child’s life, don’t assume it pervades all areas. There is no magic “age of responsibility” or a proven guide as to when a child should be given specific freedoms, but a good rule of thumb is to observe other children the same age as yours. If you notice that they are doing more themselves than your child does, you may be delaying your child’s independence.

7. We don’t practice what we preach
As parents, it is our responsibility to model the life we want our children to live. To help them lead a life of character and become dependable and accountable for their words and actions. As the leaders of our homes, we can start by only speaking honest words – white lies will surface and slowly erode character. Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others might notice, because your kids will notice too. If you don’t cut corners, for example, they will know it’s not acceptable for them to either. Show your kids what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found them, and your kids will take note and do the same.
Why do parents engage in these behaviors (what are they afraid of if they don’t)? Do these behaviors come from fear or from poor understanding of what strong parenting (with good boundaries) is?

Tim shares:
“I think both fear and lack of understanding play a role here, but it leads with the fact that each generation of parents is usually compensating for something the previous generation did. The primary adults in kids’ lives today have focused on now rather than later. It’s about their happiness today not their readiness tomorrow. I suspect it’s a reaction. Many parents today had Moms and Dads who were all about getting ready for tomorrow: saving money, not spending it, and getting ready for retirement. In response, many of us bought into the message: embrace the moment. You deserve it. Enjoy today. And we did. For many, it resulted in credit card debt and the inability to delay gratification. This may be the crux of our challenge. The truth is, parents who are able to focus on tomorrow, not just today, produce better results.”
How can parents move away from these negative behaviors (without having to hire a family therapist to help)?
Tim says: “It’s important for parents to become exceedingly self-aware of their words and actions when interacting with their children, or with others when their children are nearby. Care enough to train them, not merely treat them to a good life. Coach them, more than coddle. “
Here’s a start:
1. Talk over the issues you wish you would’ve known about adulthood.
2. Allow them to attempt things that stretch them and even let them fail.
3. Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines.
4. Aid them in matching their strengths to real-world problems.
5. Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification.
6. Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do everything.
7. Initiate (or simulate) adult tasks like paying bills or making business deals.
8. Introduce them to potential mentors from your network.
9. Help them envision a fulfilling future, and then discuss the steps to get there.
10. Celebrate progress they make toward autonomy and responsibility.

Updates house

Here are some new pictures of the house that were taken a couple days ago. They're planning on wrapping the house this week and the inside insulation and drywall start. We're still hoping for April completion date. Things of been going well and are moving quite rapidly. Kevin is doing a huge portion of the electrical and many other things to save money so he is pretty much been at the house every day. It's a lot of work but we can't wait for the pay off in less money owed as well as him having a hand in the building of our house.

This is a view of the kind of the breakfast room from the kitchen.

Backside of the house is pretty much French doors that will look out into the pool eventually

The little wall in the middle of the room is actually the island that the cabinets will but up again. It is where the large kitchen island will be.

This is the view into the dining area of the great room. There is no separation between the living area and the dining area. The dining area is the part with the three new windows that have yet to be placed. The area to the left of that is the fireplace with two windows on each side and that is the living area. It is a huge room.

This is the view of the living area with the fireplace and the two windows on each side. You can also see the three windows that my dining room.

Again, the dining area but you can also see where the three French doors out to a courtyard will be in on the other side of the courtyard is a separate structure which is a casita which will eventually be my office for my private practice. It has a bathroom closet shower and will function as an office but bedroom as well.

Stairs to upstairs. The landing area where my dad almost then goes down into the mudroom on the other side which is a feature about the house that I absolutely love. Two sides of the staircase a really cool I love having a mid room. 

I didn't take a lot of pictures of upstairs because it's really hard to tell with just a bunch of framing and pipes in the wall that this is the bonus room and off of this room is the boys rooms As well as the bathroom.

The Picture below is of the window going into the entry  for our bedroom bathroom and closet. It's an awesome open area and should be a really gracious entry into the master suite. We did not do a huge master suite since we spent hardly any time in our own bedroom anyway but we wanted to maximize the views as well as have a light bright window in the actual Corredor to lighten things up here

The house

The house is coming along amazingly well. The plumbers and the air-conditioner and electricians all started today. It's about two weeks away from the combination inspection where the house will be closed up. Windows go in Monday the fireplace went in today and it is moving along at a rate that should be able to put us in by mid March or the beginning of April. I'm praying for mid-March. This process is a lot of fun but it also is extremely taxing with the ridiculous amounts of decisions you have to make immediately. We do a pretty good job making decisions because Kevin and I are not overly picky but it is a lot of stress. Furthermore, Kevin is doing all of the electrical with his dad and a few friends so that adds another stress level. Kevin is doing quite a few of the steps along the way for us to save money. 

This whole house thing came out of being so upside down on our current home. As we've moved along in the project it is been so clear that this is Gods plan for our life and every way with regards to the new house. Every door has swung open and every door on our old house has been slammed shut. We will be able to put renters in our current house and hope that in a few years we should be at value or even above value and then be able to sell. We feel extremely grateful that this whole process has been able to happen but this home is really not a dream home or at home that we are thinking of every single detail at all. This home is a functional home that does not have a ridiculous bells and whistles rather it is a home to be lived in that will nurture our family. Downstairs literally has no walls. It is one huge giant room that will be a functional living space. Not one inch of the house is unusable. There is no room that is a showpiece or a masterpiece at all. It is 100% usable. People keep referring to our home as a dream home or a masterpiece and Kevin then I laugh every time that happens because it's so far from what this really is. This was a wonderful opportunity to be able to build a home that will suit our family well that we can do it for a modest budget. To build a home in California is cheaper then to buy a home therefore we took advantage of the fact that we were able to build. The issue with California is the land. It is extremely expensive to buy land in California and it is extremely difficult to find land in California. We got extremely lucky - i.e. the first door that swung open- and that allowed us to buy the land at a significantly undervalue price. The land has a water easement on the property which deters some but for us it made it more valuable and it also made it about $100,000 under value and it actually wasn't even for sale. All the factors that went into us finding the land were extremely God in every way! It wasn't for sale -it was a price we actually had the money for and it was extremely undervalue. Those factors in California just don't happen, therefore we jump on it and felt like God was telling us to do it - so we did and we are exceedingly thankful!!!!

I am going to post pictures right now that I took today of the house but it's going to be really difficult to understand the parts of it until I can get home and explain each picture. I'm posting on my phone right now so I will not be able to explain the pictures until I get home. I'll try to do that right away.

 I'm going to continually update the blog with pictures of the progress. It's fun to watch every day that change so I will try to share it as well

Front of house by sign

Actually taken yesterday or day before

View from master bedroom. Every window has an Absolutly amazing view!!

View from other side of master- without the haze you could see the valley

Stairs go into mud room or into great room. Both stairs end up on landing. Can I express how excited I am to have a mud room!!!

Great room. Fireplace went in today. Bookshelves and windows on each side of fireplace. Big blank wall

Next to fireplace will have 3 large 6 foot windows so we don't block the view. We changed that this week so they will cut the windows next week. They already ordered them. 

View out French doors by dining room area (the section separated into 3) and the front door is the other hole. 

Front door and stairs. There will be a bathroom and closet tucked in there 

View towards kitchen and sun room ( I guess a breakfast room- not sure what to call it)

Two sets of French doors looking out the back of the house towards what will

Eventually be the pool

Looking towards kitchen breakfast area

View from dining room area French doors over across court yard to casita (detached bedroom and bathroom that will Function as an office for cornerstone)

Back wall is part kitchen and part of sun room 

Same view

View down stairs into great room 

View up stairs from landing

Garage